Jun 15 2009

A Dialogue with Cruelty

A lot of people think that:

  • cruelty is a manifestation of anger.
  • things like torture and abuse are the result of rage or some other emotional state.
  • cruelty is directly related to or even involves the victims of cruelty.

If one has not examined their inner capacity for cruelty or if one has not admitted to committing an occasional act of cruelty or if one can only recall being the victim of cruelty at some point in their lives then the above  statements have some ring of truth to them.

A while back I wrote a few lines in a post that some people took note of.  The thing I wrote was,  “Anything to relieve the boredom of the ego-dream.  It’s about power.  Power is not boring to the ego. But it is insatiable.”  This caused me to re-examine things in a little more depth and develop some further thoughts.

Cruelty is about desire and power. And especially about reinforcing the perceived solidity of the ego.

Listen to cruelty and you will find this element makes statements such as:

  • Acknowledge me
  • I am powerful
  • I am a force to be reckoned with
  • My existence is undeniable
  • My wishes are inalienable
  • My views are always right
  • I am in control here
  • I will accept no criticisms or compromise
  • I am more than what I think you perceive

And as the dialogue continues further aspects make themselves known:

  • I am a closed system
  • I have no capacity for actual dialogue since that would involve acknowledging reality
  • I need constant attention
  • I need constant maintenance and reinforcement
  • I need to get bigger
  • I need to protect myself
  • I need to demonstrate myself
  • I need acknowledgment of my importance
  • I need reality to become smaller than me
  • I need to change reality to suit my circumstances
  • I need to show my power
  • I am insatiable
  • I am the fear of helplessness
  • I am the fear of powerlessness
  • I am the fear of nothingness
  • I am the fear of annihilation
  • I am the fear of death
  • I am the fear of reality

Power is most often expressed in terms of control of external circumstances.  And cruelty is perhaps the strongest expression of that illusion of control.

Cruelty and anger look very similar in their expressions but  the underlying motivations and processes differ. And they also have very different characteristics.

Cruelty has to do with ongoing self-perceived weakness. Anger is an immediate emotional expression in reaction to a fearful, threatening or  unpleasant stimulus. Both are defensive but one is on-going resulting from an internal  closed self-dialogue while the other is a relatively short term expressive emotional response.

Cruelty has the capacity to make a plan, anger does not.

Revenge falls under the rubric of cruelty. It happens well after the fact of the anger.

There are forms of cruelty which are not always self-evident. One of those forms is passive-aggressive behavior.  So many times I’ve written about the discomfort of trying to smile while gritting one’s teeth. That means some kind of denial of the actual state of being in favor of the socially acceptable.  As we are a social species that is not necessarily a bad thing. Self-control is paramount in a civilized society. But it also needs to be acknowledged for what it is within. Playing a role and knowing one is playing a role are two different categories of experience. One is an illusion and the other is not.

When the gritted teeth are not recognized as an emotional expression and the source of that emotional expression is not identified and dealt with, passive-aggressive responses result. These can be mild such as ignoring a request or comment, showing up late for appointments, arguing to attempt to force another to capitulate to your viewpoint or standard of conduct rather than to discuss and resolve the issue, failing to follow up on a request, leaving a mess behind in the kitchen and the like. In more serious instances these can become veiled expressions of cruelty.  That would include things like practical jokes (remember pepper gum?), purposely sabotaging someone’s job situation or relationship, gossip and outlandish  initiations into clubs/fraternities and the like. And ultimately these cross from the passive-aggressive into the aggressive in the form of bullying, corporal punishments in schools, domestic abuse, torture and death penalties.

The more entrenched one becomes in their personal ego perspective and the more closed one becomes in terms of maintaining that perspective the more likely cruelty will manifest itself.

We will never do away with anger. It is a natural reaction to some things. It is a basic defense mechanism based on the fight or flight response. But we do have a choice both to acknowledge it’s existence and once acknowledged on how we can respond to it.

Is it better to speak a word of anger or not? That is a difficult choice based on the situation’s circumstances. Consequences in either circumstance will have to be faced.

Personally I do sometimes utter words of anger. Not often and not without some amount of consideration. Mainly attempting to discern the border between honest reaction and a desire to reciprocate an equal if not inflated wound. The border is murky though.  And I don’t like to go there. Most people don’t.

That being said it is also important not to deny the presence of anger and that which evoked an angry response. Without doing so, the border tends to dissolve.

Cruelty and anger are not the same thing. Anger is more a product of biology and just like sexual drives can be managed. Cruelty is more a product of thought. It has a deliberateness that anger does not. It is a socially supported construction that is difficult to recognize until it has fully manifested itself. Then it’s dismantling is extremely difficult.

Cruelty is about desire, power and fear. Cruelty is not personal. Just like war.

Note:

Just ran into this a few minutes ago so I thought I’d put up the link.

Here’s a video of cruelty in action brought to you by the Westboro Baptist Church singing God Hates the World

I found the upside-down Canadian flag interesting.  We socialists really take the biggest slice of Hell-pie. I’ll have mine with ice cream-its going to be hot!

9 comments on “A Dialogue with Cruelty”

  1. Woah NellaLou, that was spot on and brilliantly articulated. Smart enough to be useful and not so academic so as to be unreadable. And it hit home.

    Thanks.

    • It leaves the immediate circumstance of the situation that engendered it and feeds on the pain within the avenger. It ceases to be about the original “perpetrator”, who then becomes symbolic.Just as the victim who feels the desire for revenge may have been symbolic or objectivized by the offender.

      I have been involved with a lot of folks who work with restorative justice programs and one of the purposes is to re-humanize both victim to the offender and offender to the victim. Then healing can take place. It is a delicate process. But that’s where this idea originated.

      • Yes, when one no longer views oneself as a “victim” but a “survivor” then the healing process begins, then it is no longer “personal”, but inter-connected/inter-personal.

        Even in cases where one is dealing with survivors of sexual abuse this holds true, where the first step is to embrace one’s suffering and transform it into compassion.

  5. I deeply appreciate this thoughtful post, NellaLou. As I read it, I noticed that I was framing my own thoughts in terms of the Three Poisons – desire, anger, and ignorance.

    Desire (to get what we want) and anger (to avoid what we don’t want) are familiar to us. But ignorance is perhaps less familiar, because we don’t see it correctly. In Buddha’s teaching, ignorance is our attachment to certainty – or certainties. These are our fixed beliefs, views, opinions, constructs, and other states that constrain our ability to flex and flow with changing circumstance.

    And so perhaps our cruelties and sadistic actions arise directly from these certainties.

    Because certainty can never respond to this marvelous world of change in which we live.

    It’s like a boulder dropped into a stream. It only obstructs and hampers the smooth flow of water.

    Well, I’m being poetic and I clearly haven’t looked into this matter of cruelty as deeply as you. Again, I do appreciate the care and concern behind your examination. Thank you!

  6. Great post! You’re right, too, about cruelty’s many guises, and how because it’s socially supported in so many ways, trying to break down the various forms it manifests within us – you, me, anyone – is really a lot of work. A lifetimes work. More than that probably. Not that I’m a fatalist. I guess I’d rather have some work to do, because it keeps things interesting.

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