Forgetting to Remember

-a dispatch from the grief process

Some mornings I wake up and forget that he is dead.

I wake up with a head full of ideas to discuss or questions to be asked. Then I start to remember. It’s like reliving the initial moment all over again. I realize what has happened. Run through the gamut of emotions that have been experienced thus far, remember a little more, add to the experience. Ask the questions of myself “Now what?” for the 17th time, for today.

There’s a counting of the distance as it increases.

Like watching the land disappear as you take off on a flight.

What is left behind?

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