Quips & Quotes from the NewCitizenDharma™ Cook Book

Making things accessible and easily understood by the masses seems to be the stated purpose of much Buddhist endeavor among English speaking populations at present. It’s not always successful and often complicates things unnecessarily. That’s OK. We are here to help.

Making milkshakes is also a worthy endeavor, especially if they are strawberry.

We here at the Madhushala, weaving drunkenly as always on our own self-aggrandizement, illusion and disillusionment, feel that now is the time to climb on a horse and get into this race. That’s the royal “we” not the plural we and it’s a mandatory affectation of this new program.

It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.


NewCitizenDharma™ is our proposal for entry into that spiritual-gastronomic-dadaist marketplace. We like this title. It is generic yet specific, modern yet old, descriptive yet vague, ordinary yet exalted. Our platform consists entirely of Twitter sized quips presented by Citizen-Teachers™ with non-traditional but commercially relevant and possibly viable titles. They are also magically delicious. It is egalitarian in that we each choose our own titles. Where one may have a traditional title these are generally transmogrified into NewCitizenDharmaSpeak™  While we’re not high enough on Google page rankings to merit much commentary thus far we will attempt some, where we can, in order to punch up the SEO a bhumi or two. The more words there are the more there is to index. More is always better, except on Twitter.

Our slogan:

Our milkshake’s better than yours.

We have searched over the entire Internets and come up with a good selection of folks we’d like to see join our cause and help us in the kitchen. Many have already composed their own slogans and possibly their own recipes, a collection of the former is listed below. As NewCitizenDharmatists™ of course they are not required to join anything and may certainly remain just as they are, none the worse for wear having been mentioned. That’s the essence of the First Paradox of NewCitizenDharma™ of our list of 2,149 Unsorted and Unnumbered Paradoxes™ which form our somewhat wobbly platform. The Second Paradox™ lies within the First as they are both numbered and unnumbered, sorted and unsorted. Resolving the Paradox Problem™ is the essence of the practice of NewCitizenDharma™. The Third Paradox™ involves leeks, Sharpies and a handful of ball bearings.

And if you join us you can be sure we have a few lovely rituals that will alter your perception if nothing else. [If nothing else consider yourself lucky] These are usually done to the following chant. We’ll even hire this very band if you donate enough.

So, again, here are some worthies we are considering admitting, possibly against their will.

I’ll get there when I get there. And so will you. ~ Bardo “Why you lookin at me?” Warmer, Mobile Astronaut and dinosaur fetishist

A sleepy monkey in hand is worth a blog post. ~ Rev. Jim “Catch This” Flood, Ambidextrous Spiritual Juggler from coast to coast

Graph this! I did. ~ Harun “the Angry” Likathi, Sociological Math-e-magician and 1st Degree Consciousness Raiser

Well groomed angst is not the path to nirvana ~ Maggie “May or May Not” Finewinegarten, Chief Hairdresser to the Neurotic and fancy talker in blogs such as this

In the midnight sun you can’t spit fire with a beer in your hand. ~ Paavo “the Norseman” Sankari, Wrangler of Ideological Implements and purveyor of premium juntas

One can’t hear the shuffling blur of leaves through the neighbor’s open window with electronic books ~ Jack “Hermes” Fotopoulos, Librarian of Nostalgia in the Babelogue of the Interneticus

Spiritual social media is my schtick. Get used to it. ~ Billy “Shytown” Black, Karmic Provocateur and part-time ego bouncer

I’ve got your philosophy right here buddy! ~ Justice “London” Wittgenstein, Academic Cyclotician and frequent guest on esoteric cable reality shows

Chewing gum, as a noun, is a little redundant. I decline it. ~ Jeremiah, Shader of Meanings and envied blog decorator

I ain’t your spiritual waitress! ~ Babs O’Malley, Provocatress and political bowling league organizer

Get some. Or not. Kodo Sawaki maybe said that. It doesn’t matter. Yeah! ~ Mac “Igo" Lateralinen, Exotic Running Gear aficionado and occasional inter-dimensional shifter

Zappa, wine, Dhammapada – order varies. ~ Ritchie “the Fox” Gerold, News Dude and human powered transportation devotee

Now that’s what I mean. ~ Davey “the Skeptic” Chaplin, Vampire Lore Remixer and Science Officer on the good ship Aro

The DJ is always on. ~ Mott “the Hoople” Mitchell, Professor of Isms-ness and Leader of Official Chants

There’s one for everyone. ~ Rev. Manny “the Fish” Piscatorian,  Lord of the Cosmic Dance and formerly Official Scrapbooker to the Movement

Some potential affiliates, if they step up their game paradox-wise:

Mental Technologies-R-Us are us. Really. They are. ~ Vaughn “Blow This” Piccolo, Director of Research for Mental Technologies-R-Us

If we join hands, what do we really join? ~ Eman “Mitra not Meetcha” Nichler, sponsor of and participant in Teach Ins, Sit Ins, Love Ins, Walk Ins and other matters of ingress.

Note: Please be advised that we are not associated with similar organizations which also pump out 140 character milkshakes at a rate we are striving to challenge. You will notice, as per our slogan quoted above, that our milkshake is quite superior to theirs. Here are a few samples of the lesser vintages:

We are not here to make others happy. We are here to make me happy. ~ Willy “I deserve it” Lexus, small time blog operator turned spiritual entrepreneur.

If things are as they appear then time will tell and we have a remedy for that ~ Brother Omniglot Nomenclature, Director of VanCare, ‘the “Walmart” of mobile spas’

It’s not how big your Tantra is but what you do with it!  ~ Douggie “Big Tantra” Merman

We at NewCitizenDharma™ would like to extend an invitation to all and sundry to join our cause, whatever it is, and donate bucket loads of cash to maintain our endeavors, whatever they may be. We operate somewhat like the Colbert SuperPAC but without the PAC or the Super or the Colbert as these are all extraneous expenses. Unmarked bills in plain brown envelopes via the mail to our anonymous post office box in Aruba works just fine for us. This is in keeping with NewCitizenDharma™ policy.

Want to learn the secrets of great Dharma milkshake making?…I could teach you, but I’d have to charge. See above for payment instructions.

Yeah OK it’s been a strange week

But then again not everything has to make sense.



And so it goes….


2 comments on “Quips & Quotes from the NewCitizenDharma™ Cook Book

  1. Technically, you could. You only need one hand for the torch. It takes some coordination, though, because you have to put down the beer (or the torch) to chug on the wiper fluid, then put down the wiper fluid to pick up the beer (or torch). I don’t recommend it, since it’s easier just to hand the beer to a bystander, and you wouldn’t want to spill any.

  2. Hermes has no issue with sarcastic posts that includes massive blogger references and several talking had mantras.

    We also do direct marketing fire puja revivalist pet weddings at request (we throw in the mixed drinks and vitriol for free…

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