The Enlightenment Club-Updated

Some time ago I had a brief exchange with someone and they used the term “Zen mafia” to describe a certain close knit group within the Zen community. While I found this notion quite humorous it does  to a certain extent indicate something of a tendency towards “clubbiness”  that I have never been too comfortable with in some  (not all)  North American Buddhist contexts.  It is real tempting to go on at length about the resort-like atmosphere at some retreat centers or the notches on the cushions of some long time students of some well-known  teachers. Instead I offer you something for the ordinary person. Something that all can enjoy with equal enthusiasm.

Enlightenment Club

Here are the official rules:

1. You don’t talk about Enlightenment Club.
2. You don’t talk about Enlightenment Club. This is true of all categories of enlightenment-kensho, nirvana etc.
3. When someone says stop, or goes limp, even if he’s just faking it, the sit  is not over. It must continue until the bell.
4. Only one guy per cushion.
5. One meditation method at a time. No mixing vipassana with shikantaza.
6. They sit without hair or shoes.
7. The sits go on as long as they have to.
8. If this is your first night at Enlightenment Club, you have to sit.

Well those are the original rules. There have been several added since then and they are equally important.

• Nobody is the center of the Enlightenment Club.
• Enlightenment Club will always be free.

On some occasions there have been regional variations and additional suggestions. While these are not official they may or may not apply to your local situation. Use your own discretion and talk to the other members of your Enlightenment Club (which does not exist) about their advisability. If necessary consult the Club of another area if you can find one.

• La-Z-Boys are not allowed for sitting.
• Walking meditation is ok but only after sitting.
• Food is not allowed between the starting and ending bell.
• Go to the bathroom before you sit.
• Take your jewelry off, including your watch, before you sit.
• If you are going to chant practice at home a little first so you won’t feel shy
• Welcome new members. Don’t compete with them for dominance.

There’s more but you get the drift.  And as per the first rule-you did not read this here!

Addendum: From Open Buddha blog Al had this great video on a July 2, 2009 post. Called Zen Fighting two guys meditate-one is left sitting.  Got a good chuckle out of it.