An Ordinary Buddhist and the Basis of Faith

This blog is sometimes about conflict and war-not in the conventional sense but war between selves. Those selves can be within or embodied by another. Sometimes an individual’s war within brings others into the fray. Sometimes an external conflict brings one into the situation and the ego starts to engage heavily as well.

At one time I thought it was important to be An Ambitious Buddhist. There were aspirations of study in Taiwan, Japan and elsewhere. There was the fetishizing of the robes and rituals. There was the spiritual scorecard to be ticked off with every day of meditation. There were texts to be digested and exotic words and languages to be learned. It was a challenge to be undertaken and an unknown land to be conquered.

It was not enough to identify as a Buddhist. Initially it was an accomplishment kind of endeavor.

After a while though, as I was examining other areas of my life Ambitious Buddhism started to feel like a rather vacuous activity. It seems many things that involve ambition have this quality once a certain amount of accomplishment is accumulated. After all this what does accomplishment for it’s own sake really mean?

At the time I would have said it means nothing.  It was an intellectual refuge from dealing with the various self-appointed committees within. Each faction arguing it’s particular point, often with other people. Making the point and winning the debate was an all important situation. But that too was unsatisfying.

Much of it was about anger. Some of it was about disappointment, perfectionism, impossible standards, obedience, loneliness, discomfort,  rejection, disillusionment and all the other things that cause dissatisfaction.

What started to become clear was that ambition, emotionalism or intellectualism were not refuges from the war within.

During that time of some inner turmoil I spent some time in Taiwan. This was in the late 1980’s. I met a Taoist priest there and during a visit to his home I asked him “Why is religion important to people?”  He immediately replied “It gives them comfort.”

I didn’t really examine his answer too deeply at the time but in subsequent years I found myself thinking about it again and again. And questions kept coming up. What is comfort? Comfort from what?

It is pretty clear in the Buddhist context what the answers to these questions points towards. The first Noble Truth describes the illness of life as suffering. That suffering is not merely some acute pain but the accumulation of all the things in life that provide dissatisfaction and discomfort.

While an intellectual grasp of the concepts of suffering and refuge are necessary on the Buddhist path what is also required is faith. That seems to be something that takes some time to develop. And it seems to be something I’ve noticed a lot of Western Buddhists distrust.

Since faith in Buddhism does not rest with some “Other” it’s location is somewhat amorphous. And if what is within feels “wrong” or “unsatisfactory” how is it possible to place faith there? If teachers and gurus are just human beings and as fallible as anyone else where can the object of faith be found? That makes for an interesting paradox.

On Ajahn Punnadhammo’s blog he wrote in a post entitled Everything You Wanted to Know About Sects . In that post he concludes:

The essence of the Dharma is pure and incorruptible but it is carried by human vessels who are not. Perhaps by having the internal light reflected from different angles we may get a better chance of catching the original beam.

“Essence of the Dharma” means the proven truth of the historical Buddha’s teachings. That “essence of the Dharma” is what comprises for me the place in which my faith resides. It is not a blind faith for as Ajaan Lee Dhammadharo stated in the introduction to his essay What is the Triple Gem?

…for all who have declared the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha to be their refuge. Once we have made such a declaration, we are duty-bound to learn exactly what the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha are. Otherwise, we will follow our religion blindly, without realizing its aims or the benefits — called ‘puñña,’ or merit — that come from its practice, inasmuch as Buddhism is a religion of self-help.

There are not many religions where the notion of faith is self- challenged and even fewer where one is actually exhorted to use real life experience to prove the validity of faith. Perhaps that is why Buddhism is becoming ever more attractive to the skeptical.

So rather than being An Ambitious Buddhist, A Scholarly Buddhist, A Skeptical Buddhist or A Confused Buddhist the matter comes down to residing in the ordinary. An Ordinary Buddhist is simply one who follows their proven faith. It doesn’t mean anything special. It does mean living with an ever decreasing discomfort and an ever increasing faith as the essence of the Dharma unfolds itself truthfully over a lifetime. The Buddhist truth, sought over time with sincerity has never proved disappointing. So if refuge is a place wherein one finds comfort and relief from suffering then the words that open the door to that for me are:

Buddham saranam gacchami:
I go to the Buddha for refuge.

Dhammam saranam gacchami:
I go to the Dhamma for refuge.

Sangham saranam gacchami:
I go to the Sangha for refuge.